


The Newly Commisioned Rules Of Gondor Regarding Hobbits And Their Compatriots, Part two: the entire list

by TheWeirdOnes



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:40:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24021451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeirdOnes/pseuds/TheWeirdOnes
Summary: The whole list of rules commissioned by King Elessar-LowFlyingOctopus
Kudos: 22





	The Newly Commisioned Rules Of Gondor Regarding Hobbits And Their Compatriots, Part two: the entire list

**Author's Note:**

> Not been beta-ed so any mistakes are mine
> 
> -LowFlyingOctopus

1) Pippin is by no account allowed sugar, don't ask me why, but anyone in the castle last Thursday afternoon will know.

2) Drinking songs are banned

2.b) (all hobbits) "awwww..."

3) The hobbits are not allowed to bake in the royal kitchens.  
(or anywhere else in Gondor, for that matter).

4) Do not take the Hobbits herb-gathering.

(After Aragorn wrote this rule, Legolas wore a smirk for weeks).

5) Hide and seek is banned (lest you overexcite the elf again).

(The look Legolas gave Aragorn when he saw this rule was enough to make any guards in the room to swiftly leave, no one truly knows what went on after, but rumour says that it involves some tweezers and a mallet).

6) It is unacceptable to write 'Faramir loves Eowyn' on every wall in the palace (I'm looking at you, Pippin). -Faramir

7) Do not let fireworks off inside the palace (honestly, that should be obvious, and I thought they knew better).

7.b) never doubt the foolishness of Tooks and their kin, my friend. You will regret it. -Gandalf

8) In fact, it's better to just not let hobbits near unattended fireworks altogether.

9) It is childish to put buckets of milk, water, ice or cake batter above Gandalf's, Faramir's or my doors, Legolas's is fine. (Serves him right for helping you reach).

10) Buckets of cream count too. 

11) PEREGRINE TOOK, YOU STEAL MY LEAF ONE MORE TIME AND YOU WILL REGRET PROVOKING THE WRATH OF THE ISTARI!  
-Gandalf

12) You may not steal my staff, either. 

13) Or my hat.

14) Or anything else for that matter.

15) Shaving off sleeping dwarves' beards is unacceptable (though quite amusing).

(After writing this rule, Aragorn had to watch out for revenge from Legolas and Gimli, they both teamed up and somehow managed to hide a whoopee cushion in his council chair, much to the amusement of the council).

16) Playing 'dress up' with my crown is banned, no matter how 'good' your impression of my voice is.

18) Pranking Arwen is not allowed, no matter how funny she thinks it.  
(she's used to it, she has Elladan and Elrohir as brothers, how did she survive?)

18.b) If you recall, King Elessar, after my father took you in you were usually the cause of such pranks. -Arwen

18.c) I... Um.... Is that Faramir calling me? I think it's Faramir calling me. Goodbye!

19) May I repeat the first rule, Pippin is NOT allowed ANY sugar, no matter how many times he begs, pleads or (shudder) does the dreaded puppy eyes.

20) In light of new allies and importations, we have decided that for the good of the kingdom (and in fact the world) hobbits are not allowed caffeine, anyone awake at midnight last Tuesday will know why.

21) It is an extremely bad idea to mention the words 'ice', 'flour' and 'sugar' in one sentence in front of Pippin, don't ask why, just don't.

22) Legolas, it is unbecoming of an Elven prince to dress up as a ghost and sneak around scaring my guards, the poor men may never recover.

(The guards didn't recover).

23) Legolas, please don't tell the hobbits stories about my *ahem* misadventures from when I lived at Imladris, however 'cute' I was.

23.b) (the hobbits and Legolas) "awww...."

24) THE NEXT PERSON WHO DYES MY HAIR WILL BE SLAUGHTERED BY UNKNOWN AND UNSPECIFIED MEANS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! -Legolas, the Very Put Out prince

24.b) Prissy elf.....

25) The next person who sticks a note saying 'hug me' to my back will find themselves clearing up after the hobbits (and don't think I didn't hear you sniggering).

(everyone who read that rule peeked into the hobbits' room, and regretted it).

26) No snowball fights inside (I'm looking at you, Merry and Pippin).

27) Whistling in the same room as Arwen is banned, if it happens again I will not be held responsible for my actions.

(Two guards were caught doing just that the next day, they claimed innocence but still received a black eye for their troubles).

28) Encouraging the hobbit tradition of food fights in the kitchen is banned.

29) Encouraging the hobbits to engage in the hobbit tradition of food fights in the kitchen is banned.

30) You know what, hobbits are just generally banned from the kitchen.

31) Tying wooden carvings of dragons to the ceiling just below the torches is banned. (How did you even get up there?!!)

(The dragon shadow it created scared everyone in the food hall out of their wits for the next three days).

32) Merry, you are not an elf, stop trying to enter rooms via the window balcony.

33) Legolas shouldn't be doing that either.

34) Legolas, giving the hobbits 'climbing lessons' is a really bad idea.

35) Pippin, if ever you should have children they are banned from entering Gondor, we really don't need hoards of miniature Pippins running around.

36) No matter how delicious they are, bananas are now banned from Gondor. They cause way too much fighting.

(More than one person was disappointed).

37) Merry, for the second time, you are NOT AN ELF! So do not climb (or get stuck in) any more trees.

(Merry was disappointed, Legolas was amused).

38) IF I SEE A SINGLE HOBBIT IN THAT KITCHEN AGAIN, THERE WILL BE SERIOUS REPERCUSSIONS! -Cook

(The hobbits still retain their fear of her, even to this day).

39) Any form of teaching hobbits in the art of knife throwing is banned (and to anyone concerned about the young guard, he is making a good recovery).

40) IF I FIND ANYONE (young hobbits and guards alike) PLAYING WITH OR 'TRYING OUT' MY STAFF AGAIN, THE PUNISHMENT WILL BE MUCH MORE WORSE THAN EVEN WHAT THE COOK CAN COME UP WITH! -Gandalf

(Those who even passed Gandalfs' rooms when he was 'discouraging' the hobbits and guards could never look Gandalf straight in the eye again, the young guards involved haven't spoken to anyone since).

***

Many years later, when Pippin was an old, old hobbit; he came upon some papers hidden in a shelf, many laughs, chuckles, chortles and guffaws later and Pippin called Faramir to him.  
"I think it's time we spent some time in Gondor, I should teach you the 'proper' way a hobbit should behave in such company."

"Of course Da." the young hobbit smiled.


End file.
